I’m just going to say it. Patrick Swayze was my very first love. Ok, first celebrity crush. Talk about falling for an older man. When Dirty Dancing premiered, I was a mere five year old. What do I know about boys and crushes? The defining moment was when I turned nine. Ghost premiered in the State cinema – those who grew up in Petaling Jaya in the 90’s will know that it was THE cinema in town. To an impressionable nine year old child, going to the movies was like stepping into another world. A world of wonder and intrigue where the characters are larger than life and indeed life seemed larger than life.
The memory is vividly etched in my mind. It was a rainy Saturday evening and my father was driving to the State cinema. My mother and my older female cousin were in the car with us. They were trying to persuade my dad to watch the movie to which my dad vehemently refused, saying it was a chick flick. (Well he didn’t use those words specifically, but it was something to that effect.)
I was excited. The movie received a lot of hype, as a wonderfully romantic love story. There were even rumours of mild nudity scenes included in the movie! Needles to say, I was thrilled to be watching Ghost. It made me feel like a grown up. Before disembarking from the car, my dad handed us a box of tissues.
“Here, you are going to need this”
Stepping into the cinema armed with popcorn and Coke, I settled happily into my seat and watched eagerly as the scenes unfolded before me. It didn’t take long for me to notice the handsome leading man. His name was Sam. I watched in dismay as he was killed early in the movie but was revived in the following scenes as a ghost. The pottery scene mesmerised me. It was delicate, intimate, bittersweet and accompanied by a song that will forever stick in my mind as the most romantic love song ever. It was then that I felt the first flutter of a crush. It was an awakening of a more adult nature that paralysed me with delirium.
It was at that point where my mum and my cousin reached for their tissues. I guess I was too young then to comprehend that he wasn’t physically there with the woman he loves. To my undeveloped senses, it was a just a beautiful love scene. Yet, not wanting to be left out, I cried too, without really knowing why.
Years later, whenever I re watch the movie, it never fails to trigger my tears. This time, the tears are accompanied with a tug at my heartstrings. I felt for Molly - the wrenching feeling of abandonment and loneliness. The saying “The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right there with them and knowing that you can never be with them” never rang truer in this case.
Stepping out of the cinema, I noticed there wasn’t a single dry eye leaving the building. My cousin was still dabbing her eyes and my mum’s eyes were red and sore. My dad was waiting for us at the kerb with a smirk on his face when he saw our tear stained ones. From then on, I lapsed into a pre-teen moody phase. I wore black clothing and claimed to want to see ghosts, so that I could see Sam.
I did see ‘Sam’ again. A couple of years later – only this time he wasn’t Sam, but Johnny Castle. A smooth talking heartbreaker who could move with the combination of grace and sensuality on the dance floor. It was as though he moved on to match my adolescent growth. From a sweet sensitive man, to a sensuous lady’s man. I realise that chronologically, this is incorrect as Dirty Dancing was an earlier film, but I am glad that I saw Sam before Johnny. It was like seeing him come back to life, with a fun personality and scorching hot physique to match.
Dirty Dancing was a whole different experience. How he probed Baby to be more confident through the dancing lessons. The exploration of their love and her sexual awakening. How Baby encouraged Johnny to break out from his stereotype. The feeling of weightlessness as Johnny lifts Baby up in the air in their triumphant dance. I wanted to be Baby so badly.
A couple of years ago, while walking the streets of West End trying to decide which play to see, I saw a poster in Piccadilly theatre for Guys and Dolls featuring none other than Patrick Swayze! The decision made, I marched straight in to get a ticket. That night, I walked into the auditorium with butterflies in my stomach. I was finally going to see Sam/Johnny! As the curtain came up, an announcement was made over the PA stating that an understudy will be playing Patrick Swayze’s role of Nathan Detroit as Mr. Swayze was ill. I was crushed that my crush will not be appearing that night. I still managed to enjoy the show though.
Patrick Swayze has cemented his place in my heart and mind. To me, he portrays characters who display the best qualities of a man. His ability to portray them so convincingly on screen must mean that it comes naturally from within him. That makes him a beautiful man inside and out. Ever since Ghost, Patrick Swayze has held a piece of my heart. With his passing, he takes that piece with him.
Rest well Patrick. xxx
