Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Ever got the feeling that everything is going so well and everything is just sunshine and roses? When something is feeling too good, you start to feel a little suspect. What lurks around the corner, something that will yank that soft carpet grass you're treading on and bring you back to cold heart reality.

Somebody said to me today: "Happiness is fleeting and oftentimes overrated." Although I'm generally an optimistic person who prefers to see the sunny side of life, I could relate to this somehow and see the wisdom in its ugly truth. I suppose the only way to win is to own the sadness and unpleasantness that life sometimes throw at us. Its just like what my favorite late aunt always said:

I can choose to get mad or sad, or just get even.

So this is me looking at my worries right in its deep ugly sockets, grab its balls and have the last laugh.

When doing it in the name of charity seems like a thankles task.

I am not a naturally philantrophic person. I have no inclination to perform weekly charity labor. This is a very bad thing to admit because I am a CAS coordinator and I am supposed to be inspiring my students to be more active in community service. Yet, I am an apathetic when it comes to charity of any kind.

I have to say that I am quite suspicious over people's solicitation for donations and acts of charity. This is what living in Kuala Lumpur will do to you. And because I have this mindset, it is highly ironic then that I am currently engaged in a charity project to raise funds for an orphanage. My inner reluctance towards anything remotely philantrophic has reared its ugly head subconciously. It just feels like a massively huge task. A monster that can't be tamed and it keeps growing bigger and bigger everyday.

You start to wonder if the money raised is worth all the effort that is going in? In my heart of hearts, I think not. The very cynical part of me knows that this project is doomed for failure and there is no way of pushing it towards something that will work. God help me, I am performing a thankless task!

Just Dance

I am hit by the sudden urge to shake my thang. I am actually in the mood to pick out a killer dress, knock-em-dead heels, and saunter into the hottest dance club in town and dance the night away. I have never felt this way for a very long time. And I mean a VERY long time. Who has the energy to go party after the stress of the days' workload?

It doesn't make sense because I had a really long day at work and just completely exhausted after my spin class. I've become old and boring. I've met people who feign surprise when I reveal my age. They thought I was older, not because of the way I looked, but from my mannerisms. At least I hope so.

It doesn't bother me that I am an old soul. I have always known that. I've just been far more mature about issues way sooner than I should have. It was a blessing and a curse because I've just been too practical sometimes that I miss out on the carefree experiences one is supposed to have in their youth.

Yet, I am a contradiction because my head is always in the clouds about other matters. I still love to hit the clubs sometimes, dressed to impress and have a good booze up with mates. It's good fun, but unfortunately, I have been told that I am getting too old for that. This is the first for me. I've always been ahead of the curve and now, I am lagging behind, just clinging on to one aspect of youth that I dearly cherish.

After a long day at work, sometimes it's just good to put on Madonna, Beyonce, JLO or Kylie and dance like no one's watching. :)

Things to be grateful for

Sometimes it feels like you have the short end of the stick. When everyones' lives seem to be going swimmingly, you are slowly sinking to the bottom, or stuck in a current going in the wrong direction. Today is one such day for me. It is as though my life cannot start without having to go though these crossroads that I just don't care to cross. There are too many road bumps along and its making life very unpleasant at the moment. I've always thrived on challenges and claim that a recycled life is not worth living. Sometimes though, the challenge can seem so daunting and it drains you of any will or energy.

To get me through these hard times, I am going to focus on things that I can be grateful for for the moment:

1. Cute puppies next door

2. Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies

3. The thrilling new RPM release. It rocks!

4. Gerard Butler :)

5. Cold, clean water after a particularly tough cardio session.

6. The end of hand writing lesson plans.

7. The root canal that is finally healing.

8. Reasonable parents

9. My black Balenciaga high heels I wore last night. ;)

10. The aroma of the mocha sitting on my desk.

Hugh Grant

I am not a fan of Hugh Grant. In fact, I think he is one of the most physically unattractive male celebrities around. How he managed to convince Liz Hurley to be with him for 10 odd years is beyond me. However, as I am watching Notting Hill now as I type this, I've realised that perhaps, it is not his looks that makes him so appealing but his personality.

My friends always accuse me of falling for a pretty face. They accuse me of being shallow and placing utmost importance on looks. Honestly speaking, looks ARE important. Deep down everyone feels that way but they just choose not to admit it. I have no problem saying that I need to be attracted physically to a person before I can even consider going on a date with him. Having said that though, I have fallen for male friends who were completely platonic in the beginning but have developed into something more. In this instance, they probably did not fit my idea of a physically attractive person, but as I spend more time with them, I start to fall for the man and ignore the packaging.

Perhaps that happened to Liz Hurley. She fell for the affable guy. The guy who made her laugh, who could always manage to bring a smile to her face even on the gloomiest of days or situation. The guy who commiserates with her when she is having her period and knows exactly where to take her to dinner and which wine to order to make her feel better.

Truth be told, Hugh Grant is not looking too bad to me at the moment. He has the rare ability to speak the Queen's English and sound dead sexy doing it. This is in reference to his character as Daniel Cleaver in Bridget Jones Diary.

Rabbits, guns and feather boas

Just some of the things I dreamed of last night. After days of back to back RPM, and not being able to sleep properly, going to bed at 10pm was sheer bliss. Even if the body is resting, the mind is still actively working out. :)

If only there was some sort of recording device that can be inserted in the neurons to capture all the images that flash in my brain when I am in the state of REM. It could make for a very colorful collage of pictures to trigger some inspiration for absurdist theatre stage plays. Hmm..